El Bloggo de Flossy

Woman Grows Nipple on Foot

2007-03-20T13:23:00.000-07:00

Read and check out the photos here.

Who knows if the stories and photos are legit, but the page is worth a look. Other notables include (see the column on the right hand side of the link):

"Russian Man Grows Penis on Arm"
"Woman Becomes Quadruple Amputee After Giving Birth"

Observations from the 2007 San Francisco Pillow Fight

2007-02-15T09:26:00.000-08:00

Luckily for me, my girlfriend hates Valentine’s Day. Not only am I off hook when it comes overpriced dinners, flowers, and chocolates, but she actively discourages these things. However, she does expect individualized manifestations of affection—something that shows that I “get” her. This year, we went to the Pillow Fight at Justin Herman Plaza, where a couple thousand people took their hacks at one another for half an hour. Pretty cool concept and very San Francisco (although I am not sure if the idea actually originated here). Pictures available here.

Call me a prude (and I'm sure you will after reading #1 and #4 below), but I have a difficult time consenting to strangers hitting me with their drool-stained, lice-infested pillows. Here my observations from the sidelines:

Consider wearing some protective gear because pillow fighting can cause serious injury. Some of the people in the center of the melee were really throwing haymakers and I saw several people stagger out of the pillow fight in a daze. A helmet would best, but a football style mouth guard would probably go a long way in avoiding any damage to your domepiece.
Bring a friend who is not interesting in joining the fracas to hold your stuff. San Francisco is an urban area, and the Pillow Fight takes place right after work on a weekday. This means that everyone is carrying a bag of some sort. Apart from the obvious concern of losing your stuff, a bag will inhibit your mobility and range of motion, as well as annoy other people in the Pillow Fight.
Bathe at least 24 hours before fight night. Please. For the sake of your fellow pillow fighters. You know, I'm not sure why this observation takes place in the aftermath of the Pillow Fight, because it applies equally to every other day of the year to the throngs of greasy hipsters and hippies that comprise 50% of the population age 35 and under.
Decide on a post-fight meeting point ahead of time. You will be hungry and thirsty and it sucks to have to spend 30 minutes just to regroup.
Wear a costume. This is easily combined with Observation #1. Combine a helmet, goggles, and maybe some elbow pads and you will have a pretty humorous get-up that earn you smiles and nods of approval from everyone around.

My Chat With Comcast

2007-02-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

My girlfriend and I have enjoyed free cable for the last 1 year and 1 month. Today, Comcast knocked on our door and told her that they disconnected it. Yes, it absolutely blows. But at least I was able to have a little fun with them one more time before they starting bleeding me for $50 a month. For your entertainment, here is our chat transcript:

Analyst Jules has entered room
Analyst> Hello, _____. Thank you for choosing Comcast! My name is Jules and I will be processing your order. This will take a few minutes so feel free to ask questions while I process your order.
Analyst> I understand you are interested in Basic Cable. Is this correct?
Me> That depends. Which channel lineup is included.
Analyst> You can find out what channels are available in your package on our website. Go to (website), enter your zip code, then select the service you wish to view the channel lineup.
Me> I am mostly concerned with the Food Network, ESPN, MTV, VH1, Bravo and CNN.
Analyst> Great! Please check the website mentioned earlier.
Me> I did. There are 2 lineups containing the word "basic," "limited basic" and "expanded basic." Which do I get for $18/month?
Analyst> The limited basic, _____.
Me> Okay, that's fine. But why don't the labels on the channel lineups match up with the names of your cable packages? It is very confusing.
Analyst> I apologize.
Me> It's okay. I realize there is nothing you can do.
Analyst> I am now in the process of scheduling your order. Please note that someone 18 years or older and speaks English must be present on the day of the installation.
Me> You know what would be great? If the person that wrote your website was 18 years or older and spoke English. It would probably be less confusing.
Analyst> I understand your frustration.
Me> Oh, I don't doubt it. I mean, the telecom industry in general is know for its hidden fees and misleading advertisements. You must deal with confused customers all the time.
Analyst> In order to assist our technician in locating your address, what does (address) intersect with?
Me> (cross street).
Analyst> Thank you. Your email confirmation will arrive shortly. Is there anything further that I can help you with?
Me> Wow, you fixed the website already?
Analyst> No, I'm sorry.
Me> Well, that would be the other thing I'd like you to help me with.
Analyst> The website is handled by another group.
Me> Maybe you could invite someone from that group to our little chat session.
Analyst> I'm sorry, but I will be sure to pass along your comments. Thank you for choosing Comcast. We do appreciate your business.

Flipping the Script

2007-01-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

My girlfriend has had a pretty terrific week. On Monday, she was accepted to NYU Law School. Yesterday, she was accepted to Stanford Law School. Although she applied to ten or so schools, at this point the only school she would consider attending over Stanford is Boalt.

Law schools have a rolling admissions process and they generally send out acceptances in waves. This means that schools will often wait to send out additional acceptances to the "borderline" applicants until after they know which of the already-admitted applicants plan on matriculating. Having been through the admissions process myself, and a "borderline" applicant to boot, I remembered the agonizing waiting period. So I suggested that she does her fellow applicants a favor withdraw her applications from the 8 or so other schools that she already knows she won’t be attending, so they can offer her spot to someone else.

And, as anyone that knows me will attest, I also find great pleasure in taking people down a notch whenever I can. So I suggested the following form letter:

Dear Law School Admissions Committee,

Thank you very much for all of your hard work and efforts to attract $110K of my money. However, due to the number exceptionally well-qualified schools to which I have already been admitted, I am unable to consider any more acceptance letters at this time. As you are well aware, law school is extremely competitive and it is impossible for me to attend more than one Top 10 school. Best wishes in your efforts to attract another student of my caliber.

Regards,

______

Playlist: Best of Jay-Z

2007-01-24T14:39:00.000-08:00

At the end of last year, Jay-Z released Kingdom Come, his "comeback" album. I hated it when first heard it, so I put it on the shelf for a couple of weeks, hoping that I might listen to it later and change my mind. Didn't happen. Kingdom Come is a terrible album, at least by Jay’s standards.

As one of his biggest fans, it has taken me a couple of months to truly acknowledge just how bad this album is. But as a law student on a fixed income, the value-conscious side of me feels compelled to save everyone reading this column $11.88 on their iTunes account. “Lost One” and “30 Something” are the only tracks worth purchasing. Both are classic Jay cuts—stories about told with enough wit, arrogance, and irony to make you believe they really happened to him (or his persona).

But two hits only makes you want more and the rest of the album just doesn’t deliver. So in order to get my fix, I decided to put together a Best of Jay-Z playlist that represents a balance of his radio joints, his introspective joints, and his “my life as a hustler” joints. Enjoy.

Izzo
So Ghetto
Ain’t No N*gga
Fiesta Remix
Girls, Girls, Girls (remix)
Hard Knock Life
Lucifer
Big Pimpin’
Excuse Me Miss Again (remix)
30 Something
What More Can I Say
D’Evils
Allure
All I Need
This Can’t Be Life
Heart Of the City
Can I Live

Ex Blog to the Next Blog

2007-01-23T17:32:00.000-08:00

It was time to start over. The last one just had to get the axe. One of the reasons I never updated was because I hated it.

This blog, on the other hand, is going to kick ass. Swear.