Thursday, February 15, 2007

Observations from the 2007 San Francisco Pillow Fight

Luckily for me, my girlfriend hates Valentine’s Day. Not only am I off hook when it comes overpriced dinners, flowers, and chocolates, but she actively discourages these things. However, she does expect individualized manifestations of affection—something that shows that I “get” her. This year, we went to the Pillow Fight at Justin Herman Plaza, where a couple thousand people took their hacks at one another for half an hour. Pretty cool concept and very San Francisco (although I am not sure if the idea actually originated here). Pictures available here.

Call me a prude (and I'm sure you will after reading #1 and #4 below), but I have a difficult time consenting to strangers hitting me with their drool-stained, lice-infested pillows. Here my observations from the sidelines:

  1. Consider wearing some protective gear because pillow fighting can cause serious injury. Some of the people in the center of the melee were really throwing haymakers and I saw several people stagger out of the pillow fight in a daze. A helmet would best, but a football style mouth guard would probably go a long way in avoiding any damage to your domepiece.
  2. Bring a friend who is not interesting in joining the fracas to hold your stuff. San Francisco is an urban area, and the Pillow Fight takes place right after work on a weekday. This means that everyone is carrying a bag of some sort. Apart from the obvious concern of losing your stuff, a bag will inhibit your mobility and range of motion, as well as annoy other people in the Pillow Fight.
  3. Bathe at least 24 hours before fight night. Please. For the sake of your fellow pillow fighters. You know, I'm not sure why this observation takes place in the aftermath of the Pillow Fight, because it applies equally to every other day of the year to the throngs of greasy hipsters and hippies that comprise 50% of the population age 35 and under.
  4. Decide on a post-fight meeting point ahead of time. You will be hungry and thirsty and it sucks to have to spend 30 minutes just to regroup.
  5. Wear a costume. This is easily combined with Observation #1. Combine a helmet, goggles, and maybe some elbow pads and you will have a pretty humorous get-up that earn you smiles and nods of approval from everyone around.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

My Chat With Comcast

My girlfriend and I have enjoyed free cable for the last 1 year and 1 month. Today, Comcast knocked on our door and told her that they disconnected it. Yes, it absolutely blows. But at least I was able to have a little fun with them one more time before they starting bleeding me for $50 a month. For your entertainment, here is our chat transcript:

Analyst Jules has entered room
Analyst> Hello, _____. Thank you for choosing Comcast! My name is Jules and I will be processing your order. This will take a few minutes so feel free to ask questions while I process your order.
Analyst> I understand you are interested in Basic Cable. Is this correct?
Me> That depends. Which channel lineup is included.
Analyst> You can find out what channels are available in your package on our website. Go to (website), enter your zip code, then select the service you wish to view the channel lineup.
Me> I am mostly concerned with the Food Network, ESPN, MTV, VH1, Bravo and CNN.
Analyst> Great! Please check the website mentioned earlier.
Me> I did. There are 2 lineups containing the word "basic," "limited basic" and "expanded basic." Which do I get for $18/month?
Analyst> The limited basic, _____.
Me> Okay, that's fine. But why don't the labels on the channel lineups match up with the names of your cable packages? It is very confusing.
Analyst> I apologize.
Me> It's okay. I realize there is nothing you can do.
Analyst> I am now in the process of scheduling your order. Please note that someone 18 years or older and speaks English must be present on the day of the installation.
Me> You know what would be great? If the person that wrote your website was 18 years or older and spoke English. It would probably be less confusing.
Analyst> I understand your frustration.
Me> Oh, I don't doubt it. I mean, the telecom industry in general is know for its hidden fees and misleading advertisements. You must deal with confused customers all the time.
Analyst> In order to assist our technician in locating your address, what does (address) intersect with?
Me> (cross street).
Analyst> Thank you. Your email confirmation will arrive shortly. Is there anything further that I can help you with?
Me> Wow, you fixed the website already?
Analyst> No, I'm sorry.
Me> Well, that would be the other thing I'd like you to help me with.
Analyst> The website is handled by another group.
Me> Maybe you could invite someone from that group to our little chat session.
Analyst> I'm sorry, but I will be sure to pass along your comments. Thank you for choosing Comcast. We do appreciate your business.